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| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, June 1, 2024, 16:13:59 (UTC) |
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 LONDON -- British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak fired a water pistol to signify the start of his General Election campaign.
Standing in the pouring rain and with the sound of someone playing Things Can Only Get Wetter (the Labour Party anthem from 1997), Sunak stuck out his chin and made a damp speech. Full story»  LOS ANGELES -- Will Ferrell, the famous actor who played Jeremy Clarkson in the hit movie Grown Ups 2, has sued a dog owner for her dog looking too much like him.
The 56-year-old demanded the owner pay $20 billion upfront due to identity fraud. However, the owner protested that her "little baby couldn't help looking like your dumb ass. It's just how his face is shaped." Full story»  SCUDETTO, Italy -- The signature off-center number plate of Alfa Romeo cars is about to fall into the dustbin of history.
Recent changes to the General Safety Regulations rule that side-mounted plates pose a greater risk to pedestrians. Under this theory, a pedestrian mowed down by a motorcar might have an impression of the number plate in a single buttock. Full story»   STANDING HEADS KYIV, Ukraine -- Ukraine Farm Minister Oleksandr Solskyi has been charged with unlawfully obtaining land worth 291 million hryvnias, and trying to get 190 million hryvnias more.
Agricultural land in Ukraine is in great demand, especially once the land mines are cleared, which virtually anyone can do. Moreover, irrigation has not been a concern since the Kakhovka dam in Donbass was blown up. Full story»  LONDON -- For the first time in history, foreign troops marched in the guard in front of Buckingham Palace.
The pageantry marks the 120th anniversary of the Entente Cordiale between London and Paris, as the two countries agreed to fight on the same side in World War I, provided an assassin could be found to provoke it; also to not bicker quite so much. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. David Trone (D-MD) used a derogatory term for Those People during a hearing of the House Budget Committee.
Trone, 68, denied that he had ever heard the slur but, as a privileged white man, he should have remembered its "long, dark history" — then denied he meant anything by calling it dark. Full story»  LONDON -- The original Princess of Wales photo with her children has been discovered.
British-based conspiracy expert David Icke said, "The Princess is currently living on Pluto. Her reported medical surgery has been just a cover. We have got to face the truth. The House of Windsor are lizards." Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's confirmed that the greatest presidential battle since the last one will see old rivals back in the war for America's future.
The rematch may give old age a bad name and come down to which candidate is losing his marbles first. So far, "Jurassic Joe" Biden appeared to be in the lead on that score, but recent public outings for "Donnie the Dinosaur" have revealed he can't tell a Nancy Pelosi from a Nikki Haley in a bright room. Full story»  LONDON -- The United Kingdom has formally banned puberty for children. The condition can cause extreme mood swings, pimples, and the growth of hair where it doesn't belong.
A Labour Party spokesman complained that, without puberty, an entire generation of Englishmen would grow up stunted and looking like cherubs. However, Health Minister Maria Caulfield said she had seen the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy and saw nothing wrong with that. Full story» |
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |
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TV Highlights June 1
The Nazi Eaters Documentary Topless Doctor's Office Reality
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